Easter weirdness
Today was odd. Not that I haven’t seen weird stuff in Korea, most of it just rolls off my back now, but some of the little things are still just a bit off.
Today, I went to Suwon to check out the shopping center in Suwon station. I had the best Okonomiyaki I’ve ever had there, by the way, it was squid okonomiyaki and it was delicious.
On my way back home, I stopped at a skin store to pick up some face lotions, and started on my way home. I noticed a lot of groups of old, well-dressed people wandering the streets. Again, seen it, not a big deal. At one point, I come to a corner, and turn it to run into one of the bigger groups, out of which a young woman pops out and greets me with “Hi! Jesus I love you.”, and then hands me a single egg. One of the men in the group then snapped a picture of me looking at an egg with the most WTF?! look ever on my face.
I figured it out in a few seconds. Today is easter, so that explained the egg. The “Jesus I love you” was easy too. Koreans have difficulty with third person statements, so they often just say a name and then speak for that person to get the idea across, so obviously, Jesus loves you. She also gave me a pamphlet in Korean with a little stick figure guy being chased by directional arrows, and a cutesy anime Jesus.
Also, the lotion shop gave me free skin whitening cream.
Korean Music
Anyone who’s known me any decent length of time has been exposed to more Japanese music than they probably cared for. For this, I make no apologies. I’ll admit that Japanese and Korean music is very similar. Massive groups, up to 15 singers (none of whom play any kind of instrument), catchy repetitive pop songs, singers who look better than they sing, not too different from American popular music when you really think about it.
In fact, for every major pop star/group in America, there is a Korean copy. That’s not just a cynical observation, it is intentional. For Britney Spears, there is BoA. Backstreet Boys are countered with Big Bang. It goes on, and is blasted in the streets at all hours. The only major difference is that in America, sluttiness is heavily emphasized, and tons of focus on sex. In Korea, cuteness is a lot more important than sexiness, so you end up with grown women (sometimes), dressing like a teenager. Or like a Final Fantasy character.
I’ll stop here to interject, I’m not complaining about this. At all.
A few examples:
Girls’ Generation
Pretty popular. A lot of my students don’t like them because most of the members (12 members) have had plastic surgery. I’m not sure why they love Wonder Girls so much if this is so distasteful, but no one ever said teenage girls were great thinkers.
Warning, though, the video is annoying, but catchy as all hell and the girls are really cute. This song is playing at all hours in korea, usually at high volume in the street, often two within earshot of eachother. I know every lyric thanks to students singing it ad nauseum, but have no clue what it means, beyond the subtitles.
The Wonder Girls
Probably the biggest group out right now. Groups of schoolgirls walking arm and arm singing whatever Wonder Girls song is in their heads is a pretty common sight in korea.
Every English teacher quickly learns from this video that we cannot use the word “Nobody” in any lesson, because it will prompt every single student, male or female, to sing this song.
Rain
Rain was the most popular entertainer in the world for awhile, even in the states, although I never heard of him. He even had a hilarious dance off against Steven Colbert on the Colbert Report when he beat Colbert in the Times top 100 most influential people list (thanks for the info, Tiffany). If you watch only one video, make it this one.
And yes, I do have a shirt and vest like the one Rain is wearing. And I rock it pretty well.
Next is Big Bang. Big Bang is huge. I really don’t know how they can ever leave their homes without being literally mobbed and kidnapped by crazed mobs of teenage girls. They have their own brands of clothes and shoes. They do commericals for every product imaginable. I used to try to use pictures of them and music to keep students’ attention, but I can’t anymore, because so much as showing a picture of them results in a literal riot as girls shriek, cry, and completely lose control of themselves. We usually simply cannot restore order. I really wish I was exaggerating.
I’m not a huge fan, which does not impress my students. According to them, I simply don’t have an ear for true musical talent. I asked them to choose between Big Bang and somewhat more influential artists such as Santana, Queen, or Clapton, and just got blank stares in return. So I tried Beethoven, and they chose Big Bang as the more important figures in music.
Something strange is happening to me.
I realized today two big changes in me. First, I haven’t bought any electronic gadgets or equipment besides my phone, and I selected a modest phone for that matter. Second, my wardrobe has changed considerably.
I’ve thrown out all my computer joke shirts and ill fitting clothing (I had a lot -_-), and I’ve been buying a lot of new clothes. And not my normal clothes, well fitting, a wide range of colors, and I’m able to match the colors properly. I caught myself just today trying on several outfit combos at home to find something to wear tomorrow. Planning ahead, and with fashion, not exactly my style. Well, not until now, at least. I really enjoy it.
I’m actually wearing a tie by my own will tomorrow, because it looks awesome with my new button down shirt and leather belt.
More food.
Had a couple of neat food experiences recently. I’ll start with the less weird one, bosingtan. Bosingtan is, simply put, dog soup. The actual taste is a lot like very soft beef. In fact, were I not informed it was dog, I would have simply assumed that it was just fatty beef. It was actually pretty good, even after knowing what it was. There was a twinge of guilt, as I do like dogs, but when in Rome…
The second was unpleasant. Earth Dragon soup. I can’t recall the korean name, but that’s the translation. It is a very old fashioned recipe, and almost completely gone from the culture, usually eaten only by the very old for medicinal purposes (same with dog, actually. Younger Koreans usually refuse to eat dog, as they associate it with pets. Incidentally, the rare women in america you see with a dog with colored hair, clothes, and little boots? That’s the norm here in Korea. I see it four or five times a day.)
Earth Dragons are a humorous name for earthworms. They collect hundreds in a jar with many herbs and spices and let them soak for several days. Then they are taken out and the guts are squeezed into a pot and boiled. Tastes just as good as it sounds.
Italian food and toilets
I’m sitting in an italian restaurant right now. The end to a long but interesting day. The food is pretty good, but like everything, it is definitely fusion. Most baked ziti doesn’t have squid and octopus in it, but as I’m learning, it should. And don’t even try to say its gross unless you’ve actually eaten either of those, because they don’t look or taste at all like you’d think.
I learned a lesson at school today, one that I wasn’t sure I even needed to learn, or was aware that it was taught. When a new western style toilet is installed, and you’re using it, don’t start randomly pushing the buttons mounted on the pad next to you (high tech toilet, I guess). It’s no fun have a blast of icy water fired up your ass unexpectedly at 6 in the morning.
Jehovah’s Witnesses
Oh yeah, they’re here too. I was doing my weekly cleaning just 5 minutes ago, when I heard a light tapping at my door. Unusual, people usually use the intercom, but I answered.
In America, the only problem you have with identifying a Jehovah’s Witness is the ease in mistaking them with a Mormon; white shirt, black tie, bicycle, travel in pairs, you know how it goes. In Korea, they’re little old ladies, dressed normally, you’d never know. This is actually my 3rd encounter with them. Usually, for encounters like this, I can pull the old “I don’t speak Korean” line (which isn’t a lie by any means), and people don’t want to bother. Not the Jehovah’s witnesses.
Me: (in Korean) Sorry, I don’t speak Korean…
Them: (Korean as well, big smiles) Oh, English?
Me: (English) Yeah…
As I see them pull out a big file, filled with Watchtower pamphlets in every language I could list. I seriously saw Africaans, Swahili, Chinese, Japanese, Icelandic, French, German, possibly Klingon and Elvish, and a bunch of others I didn’t even recognize. They even had me choose between UK English and US English. Astounding. If Christians could be even half as on the ball as Jehovah’s witnesses, we’d be doing a lot better.
You can’t escape the JW. Anywhere.
Korean men sure are different.
In america, men are generally bound by a pretty strict attitude of machismo. Some of them, like myself, simply ignore it, but for most, you’ve got to be a beer swilling, football watching, swearing, drunken, fighting asshole if you’re going to be considered a “real” man, and a real american (no arguments on the second part, really.)
In Korea, they didn’t get the memo. At first, I noticed them acting different, hugging, holding hands, complimenting eachothers clothes/looks, and just chalked it up to slight cultural differences. Then I kept going out, and seeing it more and more. One of my schools PE teachers was a gold medal winner in the Sydney Olympics for Judo. He is about 195cm at his shoulders, 6′6, and his arms are about as thick as my waist. He took a picture of me with his cell phone, for which I actually smiled, which I don’t do. I only smiled because just before it took the picture, his phone called out, in an adorable voice, “Smile!” It was really out of character for a guy so badass, he was exempted from mandatory military service.
I was in Seoul just yesterday, headed to the world TaeKwonDo headquarters. A group of tough looking bikers passed me in the street, wearing hoodies with little panda bear ears sticking up at the top. The girls wear this all the time, and it never struck me as anything but cute, because hey, girls are cute, but it was weird seeing it on full grown men.
To be blunt, they way most korean men seem to look and dress, most westerners would immediately label gay. Mostly because its how gay men act and dress in america. In korea though, they are just emulating the very popular male celebrities. The girls want them and the men want to be them, so it gets weird sometimes. I come across as extremely manly as a result of all this, when back in the US, I was considered somewhat less, especially considering my music and movie preferences (although this was usually peppered with a few more negative groups and lots of martial arts).
I’m just curious as to what caused western men to have to eschew anything cute or “girly”, and why asian men have no problem looking and acting like their women. Although, from what I’ve seen and heard here, the western style man is more preferred by most girls. Works for me, in any case.
Drama
Koreans love drama. It pervades everything, even comedies are filled with drama. In drama, Korean drama, at least, everyone loses. They don’t just lose love or whatever their situation is, they typically lose at life in general. Korean movies, music videos, books, whatever, all ends in tragedy. At the gym, pretty much any woman on the treadmill is watching the same drama, I’m not sure of the name. Its basically a soup opera, down to the crappy camera quality, constant close-ups, and end scene zooms. It makes me wonder, although I can’t understand it, the characters are always around eachother, but from the looks on their faces, are always baiting, attacking, and otherwise emotionally abusing eachother. Why would you hang out with people like that? No one in this show ever smiles, unless its some kind of evil grin.
Of course, its exactly the same as an American soup opera. I recently saw a movie about a baseball player here. From what little I understood, he played since he was a kid, and his mother never attended his games, of course, leading to serious issues. In the movie, he’s at a big final game, and it’s all down to him. Make the hit and win, miss and lose the game. We’ve seen a million movies like it. Of course, after literally 20 minutes of dramatic build-up, slow motion, and over the top music in the rain, he misses. Still, nothing we haven’t seen in american sports films.
Turns out, his mother came to this game, and while that’s sort of a victory, the one game she attends, he fails. I think some more traumatic stuff happened too, but I still understand barely any Korean, and this movie was in a different dialect than the one I’m learning anyway, so I was doubly confused most of the time.
Here’s a video example, though:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koZPdoTut_w
This is pretty normal for Korean art, really.
Bathroom tricks
Korean men do not have the sense of urinal etiquette that American men have.
Ladies, this means that you never take the urinal next to someone, you must always try and take the one furthest away as you possibly can. Also, no talking. I’m trying to have a moment here.
Korean men love to talk while using the bathroom, it’s more awkward than the constant touching, hugging, and massages (Korean men act remarkably like women, sometimes, and not just some of them, even the big bulky construction workers comment on eachothers handsomeness and wear cute little bunny ear hats).
I suffer from what as known as a shy bladder. I can’t go while there is anyone else in the bathroom with me, at all. It sucks, I usually have to wait for it to clear out entirely, or I just can’t do it. This needed to change here, as Koreans are constantly in the bathroom, probably as a result of drinking 30 cups of coffee a day, as well as all the spicy cabbage they eat. I remembered, then, a trick I heard a long time ago to cure shy bladder, and by God, it worked, and now I will pass it on to you men similarly afflicted.
The trick, is to imagine yourself as Captain Kirk, just letting it fly off the edge of the Enterprise.
No idea why, but its funny and it works.
Hagrid
Most of you reading this know me. I like to keep my hair in a state of general disarray, so it tends to draw attention, especially here in Korea. Students have likened my appearance to Beethoven, Ben Franklin (they know more about American history than any American student does, sadly), and the one that really sticks, Hagrid, from Harry Potter.
In fact, it stuck at my school, and it caught on and stuck at the english camp. Not many of my students call me Hunter at all, anymore. At first, they all just called me Sangsamnim, which is just teacher, but I really don’t like formal titles or names. Mr. Herr wasn’t going to fly either, especially because their “r’s” tend to come out as “l’s”. Then they started calling me Hagrid, which most of my co-teachers fought against at first, feeling it was disrespectful, but now just let it slide.
I told the students if they were disrespecting me with it, there isn’t much I can do to stop them, but that I’d be pretty disappointed with Korean youth if that were the case (appeal to their nationalism, it really really works here in lieu of real discipline), and many of them took great pains to explain to me, in English no less, that they didn’t mean any disrespect, and would stop if I still wanted them to. I kinda like it as a nickname, and since they are doing it in good spirits, I don’t mind at all, and now I’m Hagrid. 
